[ Upon reflection, Mako should really learn to empty the trash right after the test is discarded -- classic rookie mistake, leaving tracks where another can find, and subsequently making things so much more complicated than they should be. But Mako had been caught off guard -- the truth of the test and all that it means had come heavily down on her. Pregnant. She couldn't be. Sure, they'd had unprotected sex the few times Raleigh couldn't fumble for a condom in time, but she'd always been on contraceptives and it should have been all right, but now, now things are all turned around and for once, she hadn't quite known what to do.
Raleigh had still been asleep when she'd taken the test last night, felt the walls close in around her when two lines appeared instead of one, and she had climbed back into bed, into his arms to gather her thoughts, all the ones that are spiraling out of her control. They both had pretty much gone through hell to end up here, to find a measure of peace that belonged to the both of them after all that had gone down, and look where it's gotten them. She'd sought solace in the even pace of his breathing, his heartbeat, and thought of the things she can't tell him, the things she won't, for both their sakes.
She's never been the selfless sort, not really -- but Raleigh teaches her so many things, if she had given him direction then he had, too. He had given her a reason to walk with him, to stay with him, to contemplate a future away from vice and crime and enforcement and violence. He had surprised her in so many ways, from his willingness to turn on his club for her, for the way he vehemently put her on the table as one of the conditions of his cooperation (he had been playing such a dangerous game, making sure that her life was saved along with his) -- they were both broken in their own ways, and with each other, they had hope of becoming complete.
It wasn't easy; because nothing worth having is ever easy, but they're making a life together, figuring out their way as they went along -- and now this. Mako hadn't slept the rest of the night, wide awake to the sound of Raleigh's breathing, the warmth of his arms around her, and by morning her decision had been made.
She'd confirmed an appointment scant hours later, had put in a special request, and had been well on her way to assuming her normal routine (because Raleigh can never, never find out) until he'd yelled from the bathroom. Mako, never once expecting Raleigh to actually be inclined to root through the trash for any reason, simply walks past with a basket of clean laundry. ] There's a fresh tube of toothpaste in the top left cabinet.
[Toothpaste? Who the fuck cares about toothpaste right now?
He hasn't a fucking clue where his toothbrush even is right now, he suspects it's probably still in the trash but he'll just buy a new one. He'll never brush his teeth again because he's still trying to wrap his mind around what he just found. Can't even begin to pretend like it's not hers because it's not his clearly and no one comes to their house ever, so.
She's got some explaining to do. And he hopes it's not too late. He has a pretty good idea of what he wants, but he's scared but please, please don't have done something without him, Mako. Please.]
And the pregnancy test? What are we doing about that?
[ Mako's grip tightens around the basket briefly before she has the presence of mind to set it down, out of the way. Her stomach sinks when he says it, when it's clear that he's found out; and she has a pretty good idea of what he's thinking (or so she thinks), and steps to the doorway of the bathroom, her features schooled in one of deliberate neutrality.
Neither of them are ready for this, not when they're in this programme and there's so much risk involved -- and Raleigh, she knows, has never been much for children.
Don't worry, she'll take care of it. We? ] I've made an appointment with a clinic. It... won't be a problem.
[Yes, we. Because you didn't just get pregnant on your own, Mako and unless you've got something else to tell him, like you're cheating on him, then he's very much involved.
Raleigh stares at her, because she hasn't done anything yet but clearly she plans on it and he had no idea. Looking at her, he can't even tell. She made an appointment, her stance is pretty clear and he doesn't agree but he needs to know something else first:]
[ Just as well, then, that she's not the cheating type. But she's stubborn as hell, just like Raleigh is, with an independent streak a mile wide and she's afraid, oh, she's afraid, too. They'll fuck this up, she knows they will.
And this time when they do, they'll fuck up an entirely innocent life because while he could possibly be a good father, she would never make a good mother.
She meets his eyes after a heartbeat. ] I wasn't planning to.
[Shit, it actually feels like he stops breathing there for a second. Just... the way she says it, the way she looks at him and says that she was never going to include him in this decision and you know, fine, whatever it's her body but it's his kid too and shouldn't he at least get a notification? A memo?
By the way, you knocked me up, well done, Becket?]
Mako. What-- the fuck, really? You can't just not tell me stuff like that.
[ Really, what is he expecting? A gold star, or a note on the fridge? Mako refuses to feel guilty about this because it's her body, because she thinks that he wouldn't want it either, and rather than give him the choice, too, she'll make it on her own and spare him the details.
It's cleaner, better. Occam's razor, the simplest method is often the best. ]
It's my body, Raleigh. You don't have to make the choice; I do.
[He's shaking a little because fuck. Fuck, she's really going to do this, isn't she and she wasn't even going to tell him about it and didn't she learn that Raleigh can't stand it when people keep things from him? Was that not apparent when he found out that she was an undercover federal agent?]
[ Mako tenses, because are you really going to tell her what to do with what's hers, Raleigh? It's not a joy, it's not anything resembling blissful when she's terrified of what it would mean, this incredible weight on their shoulders.
This means they have so much more to lose, and they're barely staying afloat as it is. ]
[Look, he's pretty scared too. He has no actual idea how to be a dad but there's books and shit and he likes to read. They can figure it out.]
It's family.
[And he can't turn his back on his family, can't even think about getting rid of it, because family is precious, family is something you stand by no matter what.]
[ It's family, Raleigh says, and Mako comes to see the point of it despite herself. She closes her eyes and turns away from the bathroom, because she doesn't want to have this argument, and she doesn't want this baby. ]
[He just follows her because he does want to have this argument and he wants this baby. He's scared shitless but he's never been more sure of something.]
It will be. Mako-- why not? Tell me why you don't want this.
[ It's a compelling argument. After all, hadn't they figured their way out of a hell of trouble before? They're a team, and it's never changed. At least -- well.
Mako looks back at him, hesitant. ]
And if we don't? We don't get to undo it if that happens.
[Raleigh... doesn't have the answer for that. Doesn't have a way out if they fuck up. Doesn't have really a good reason for keeping the baby besides he just wants to. Doesn't really have a leg to stand on except he's trying anyway.]
[ Mako's temper is fraying, because he's stubborn and she's stubborn and she doesn't want to budge on this, not when it's her body and her choice. Other people would say that she was lucky to have a man who wouldn't mind being a daddy, but fuck other people. ]
I am dealing with it. It's just not in the way you want me to.
[ Mako's feeling a headache coming on. Family? That's new, that's... essentially what they are now, and she hates what it does to her. She hates that it makes her waver and terrifies her at the same time.
Family. ] It's easy for you to say, Raleigh. You're not the one carrying the baby.
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Raleigh had still been asleep when she'd taken the test last night, felt the walls close in around her when two lines appeared instead of one, and she had climbed back into bed, into his arms to gather her thoughts, all the ones that are spiraling out of her control. They both had pretty much gone through hell to end up here, to find a measure of peace that belonged to the both of them after all that had gone down, and look where it's gotten them. She'd sought solace in the even pace of his breathing, his heartbeat, and thought of the things she can't tell him, the things she won't, for both their sakes.
She's never been the selfless sort, not really -- but Raleigh teaches her so many things, if she had given him direction then he had, too. He had given her a reason to walk with him, to stay with him, to contemplate a future away from vice and crime and enforcement and violence. He had surprised her in so many ways, from his willingness to turn on his club for her, for the way he vehemently put her on the table as one of the conditions of his cooperation (he had been playing such a dangerous game, making sure that her life was saved along with his) -- they were both broken in their own ways, and with each other, they had hope of becoming complete.
It wasn't easy; because nothing worth having is ever easy, but they're making a life together, figuring out their way as they went along -- and now this. Mako hadn't slept the rest of the night, wide awake to the sound of Raleigh's breathing, the warmth of his arms around her, and by morning her decision had been made.
She'd confirmed an appointment scant hours later, had put in a special request, and had been well on her way to assuming her normal routine (because Raleigh can never, never find out) until he'd yelled from the bathroom. Mako, never once expecting Raleigh to actually be inclined to root through the trash for any reason, simply walks past with a basket of clean laundry. ] There's a fresh tube of toothpaste in the top left cabinet.
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He hasn't a fucking clue where his toothbrush even is right now, he suspects it's probably still in the trash but he'll just buy a new one. He'll never brush his teeth again because he's still trying to wrap his mind around what he just found. Can't even begin to pretend like it's not hers because it's not his clearly and no one comes to their house ever, so.
She's got some explaining to do. And he hopes it's not too late. He has a pretty good idea of what he wants, but he's scared but please, please don't have done something without him, Mako. Please.]
And the pregnancy test? What are we doing about that?
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Neither of them are ready for this, not when they're in this programme and there's so much risk involved -- and Raleigh, she knows, has never been much for children.
Don't worry, she'll take care of it. We? ] I've made an appointment with a clinic. It... won't be a problem.
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Raleigh stares at her, because she hasn't done anything yet but clearly she plans on it and he had no idea. Looking at her, he can't even tell. She made an appointment, her stance is pretty clear and he doesn't agree but he needs to know something else first:]
Were you even going to tell me?
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And this time when they do, they'll fuck up an entirely innocent life because while he could possibly be a good father, she would never make a good mother.
She meets his eyes after a heartbeat. ] I wasn't planning to.
[ Raleigh, I'm not ready. ]
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By the way, you knocked me up, well done, Becket?]
Mako. What-- the fuck, really? You can't just not tell me stuff like that.
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It's cleaner, better. Occam's razor, the simplest method is often the best. ]
It's my body, Raleigh. You don't have to make the choice; I do.
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[He's shaking a little because fuck. Fuck, she's really going to do this, isn't she and she wasn't even going to tell him about it and didn't she learn that Raleigh can't stand it when people keep things from him? Was that not apparent when he found out that she was an undercover federal agent?]
I don't want you to get rid of it.
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This means they have so much more to lose, and they're barely staying afloat as it is. ]
...I don't want it.
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It's family.
[And he can't turn his back on his family, can't even think about getting rid of it, because family is precious, family is something you stand by no matter what.]
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It's not. Not yet.
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It will be. Mako-- why not? Tell me why you don't want this.
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[ Raleigh is tenacious when he wants to be, she remembers, and it's frustrating. ]
We're only just getting a life going -- and we have to be responsible for another one?
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Yeah, I mean-- we can figure it out. It's us.
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Mako looks back at him, hesitant. ]
And if we don't? We don't get to undo it if that happens.
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We don't know if we don't try.
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It's not an art project we can just try out.
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It's not something you can sweep under the rug either.
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I am dealing with it. It's just not in the way you want me to.
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So my opinion doesn't matter, is what you're saying?
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I'm saying, Raleigh, that I don't want to have this baby. How can I make you understand this?
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Don't agree.
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Why?
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Because it's family, we're family now, whether you like it or not, have been for a while and I can't-- I just can't agree with getting rid of it.
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Family. ] It's easy for you to say, Raleigh. You're not the one carrying the baby.
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look, ma, no brackets!
omg my baby i'm so proud
;w; /crawls towards
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