[It's exactly like losing Yancy all over again. Only it's worse because it's Mako and you don't Drift with someone three times in about a day and walk away from them. Not ever, not even if he wanted to, not even if he could draw the line in the sand and say this is Mako's and this is mine, because it's not that simple. It's theirs and they're both all each other has left in life, even their girl Gipsy is gone and that loss hurts too, the only thing that makes it manageable is that she served her purpose. Went down with a fight.
Raleigh loves his brother, misses him every single day, would still do just about anything to get him back even if he's more or less made his peace with his mistakes that night. The silence that follows after Mako like, literally melts in his arms into a puddle of... something, it's worse than that cold February morning. It's worse because he doesn't have anything to fight against in that moment, doesn't have the imminent threat of a kaiju trying to kill him to make him focus, to fight to live and kill the son of a bitch that took his brother, doesn't even have the Jaeger to stumble back to shore in and he still doesn't know how he did it, how he walked Gipsy back to shore on his own without seizing but he did.
The Doctor raises his screwdriver and that buzzing is all he can hear in his head. It's the sound of the silence, where one second Mako was there and bright, her mind brushing against his like it has for so long now, and then it's just gone and he'd liken it to being a rock concert for several hours and then stepping outside and realizing you can't hear anything. To being thrown head first into a brick wall just to see what would happen. He can see the Doctor talking, sees his mouth move but for the life of him, Raleigh can't make sense of it. His head is screaming for Mako's, where is she, where did she go, is she dead, mako mako mako mako no come back please don't leave no and it hurts so much so suddenly that fainting would probably be a mercy.
He doesn't faint, he just sees the Doctor and he doesn't think, doesn't try to rationalize what just happened, Mako's gone, not in another part of the TARDIS, not trapped somewhere, gone and it's the Doctor's fault and Raleigh walks right up to him and punches him.]
[ The Doctor staggers under the blow, pain exploding behind his eyes -- if he had been anyone but who he is, that punch would've surely broken his jaw. But as it stands, he accepts it because it's his fault -- it's wrenching, the way they are separated from each other, the devastation apparent in Raleigh's eyes. It's painfully human, the knife edge of agony that he witnesses so clear on his face.
He rubs at his jaw, not looking away because Raleigh is frightfully, terrifyingly alone, he has to understand, he must, that this is the only way to rescue her. It's his fault, of course it's his fault; the Doctor makes more mistakes than anyone else; if only he had been more vigilant, if only he knew that she would be taken, transplanted, here with them but only in heart and mind. Raleigh is panicking, and he can see it -- there is little more dangerous than a Ranger out of control, and with that single wipe the Doctor has most definitely assured his spiral, cast him out to sea with every reminder of his loss. ]
Raleigh. [ He rubs his jaw gingerly, climbing to his feet because ouch, the man's far stronger than the Doctor had ever thought he was. (Mako doesn't fare better, because the Doctor said, the Doctor said that they would be all right, but he had never said that this would happen, that she would lose him so completely, how could she have ever agreed to this --)
The Doctor continues, quiet and intense. ]
Raleigh, listen to me. We will save her, I promise. And to do that, I need you with me. I need you here. Do you understand?
[Raleigh doesn't stop, just grabs the Doctor by the shoulders when he gets back to his feet, like he's going to shove him into the console he loves so fucking much, until he gets it and brings her back.
Maybe it's just because he's so close to the Doctor now but he finally seems to catch something of what's coming out of his mouth. Save her from what? What the hell is going on here? What did you do? Doctor, I don't understand, I can't even think right now, bring her back, bring her back, fix this.]
You need to tell me what's going on.
[He doesn't let go of the jacket, keeps the material bunched between fists, curling tighter and tighter and where is she.]
ASKJDHAKSJHDKJHF STOP it's because you give me so many beautiful things to work with ;~;
[ The Doctor doesn't struggle, not in the face of such pain -- but it's time you understand, Raleigh, that the Doctor will break you to save you both, that there is no question of whether he'd do it again or not.
I'm sorry, he says, because he is, but it's cold comfort and sometimes he forgets how very human Raleigh and Mako both are, one condensed unit, one soul in two bodies and he can never begin to imagine the profoundness of such a thing.
His hand comes up to close around Raleigh's wrist then, not to urge him to let go, but to force him to listen; irrationality, Raleigh, it's clouding your judgement -- or perhaps the Doctor's just that inhuman. ] I have enemies. And some of them have discovered a way to get to me, and it's through the both of you.
[ Listen. Listen, because he's beginning to understand the true depth of Raleigh's bond with Mako, he's beginning to understand how this, too, can be used. ]
I don't know who they are yet, but I'm going to find out. And when I do, Raleigh the Ranger, we are going to show them why taking Mako from us is such a bad idea.
[ The TARDIS shudders, and the Doctor looks back at the monitor, his expression unreadable, sunken in. Underestimated, indeed, because even now, Mako's at their door -- she's still trying to reach out to them, to Raleigh. The connection might be broken but he'd underestimated their tenacity, the bond that had set them as one. ]
[He can't-- the Doctor can't do that to them. He can't break them apart like he has, Raleigh doesn't understand what Mako has to do with the Doctor's enemies. And why didn't they take him? They should have taken him because it's breaking his heart and his mind to know that Mako's lost and who knows what she's experiencing right now and that's just such a foreign concept to him that his mind is outright rejecting it.
Raleigh's hands tighten on the Doctor's jacket when the TARDIS shudders, what the hell is that, why is your time machine doing this, where is she where is she, what did you drag us into. He wants to shake the Doctor, make him look at him, and fix this right this second.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
omg your doctor is so good i want to die
Raleigh loves his brother, misses him every single day, would still do just about anything to get him back even if he's more or less made his peace with his mistakes that night. The silence that follows after Mako like, literally melts in his arms into a puddle of... something, it's worse than that cold February morning. It's worse because he doesn't have anything to fight against in that moment, doesn't have the imminent threat of a kaiju trying to kill him to make him focus, to fight to live and kill the son of a bitch that took his brother, doesn't even have the Jaeger to stumble back to shore in and he still doesn't know how he did it, how he walked Gipsy back to shore on his own without seizing but he did.
The Doctor raises his screwdriver and that buzzing is all he can hear in his head. It's the sound of the silence, where one second Mako was there and bright, her mind brushing against his like it has for so long now, and then it's just gone and he'd liken it to being a rock concert for several hours and then stepping outside and realizing you can't hear anything. To being thrown head first into a brick wall just to see what would happen. He can see the Doctor talking, sees his mouth move but for the life of him, Raleigh can't make sense of it. His head is screaming for Mako's, where is she, where did she go, is she dead, mako mako mako mako no come back please don't leave no and it hurts so much so suddenly that fainting would probably be a mercy.
He doesn't faint, he just sees the Doctor and he doesn't think, doesn't try to rationalize what just happened, Mako's gone, not in another part of the TARDIS, not trapped somewhere, gone and it's the Doctor's fault and Raleigh walks right up to him and punches him.]
kjhaksjhf baby no don't die come back ;w;
He rubs at his jaw, not looking away because Raleigh is frightfully, terrifyingly alone, he has to understand, he must, that this is the only way to rescue her. It's his fault, of course it's his fault; the Doctor makes more mistakes than anyone else; if only he had been more vigilant, if only he knew that she would be taken, transplanted, here with them but only in heart and mind. Raleigh is panicking, and he can see it -- there is little more dangerous than a Ranger out of control, and with that single wipe the Doctor has most definitely assured his spiral, cast him out to sea with every reminder of his loss. ]
Raleigh. [ He rubs his jaw gingerly, climbing to his feet because ouch, the man's far stronger than the Doctor had ever thought he was. (Mako doesn't fare better, because the Doctor said, the Doctor said that they would be all right, but he had never said that this would happen, that she would lose him so completely, how could she have ever agreed to this --)
The Doctor continues, quiet and intense. ]
Raleigh, listen to me. We will save her, I promise. And to do that, I need you with me. I need you here. Do you understand?
I DIE BECAUSE OF MY AWE
Maybe it's just because he's so close to the Doctor now but he finally seems to catch something of what's coming out of his mouth. Save her from what? What the hell is going on here? What did you do? Doctor, I don't understand, I can't even think right now, bring her back, bring her back, fix this.]
You need to tell me what's going on.
[He doesn't let go of the jacket, keeps the material bunched between fists, curling tighter and tighter and where is she.]
ASKJDHAKSJHDKJHF STOP it's because you give me so many beautiful things to work with ;~;
I'm sorry, he says, because he is, but it's cold comfort and sometimes he forgets how very human Raleigh and Mako both are, one condensed unit, one soul in two bodies and he can never begin to imagine the profoundness of such a thing.
His hand comes up to close around Raleigh's wrist then, not to urge him to let go, but to force him to listen; irrationality, Raleigh, it's clouding your judgement -- or perhaps the Doctor's just that inhuman. ] I have enemies. And some of them have discovered a way to get to me, and it's through the both of you.
[ Listen. Listen, because he's beginning to understand the true depth of Raleigh's bond with Mako, he's beginning to understand how this, too, can be used. ]
I don't know who they are yet, but I'm going to find out. And when I do, Raleigh the Ranger, we are going to show them why taking Mako from us is such a bad idea.
[ The TARDIS shudders, and the Doctor looks back at the monitor, his expression unreadable, sunken in. Underestimated, indeed, because even now, Mako's at their door -- she's still trying to reach out to them, to Raleigh. The connection might be broken but he'd underestimated their tenacity, the bond that had set them as one. ]
NO YOU DO
Raleigh's hands tighten on the Doctor's jacket when the TARDIS shudders, what the hell is that, why is your time machine doing this, where is she where is she, what did you drag us into. He wants to shake the Doctor, make him look at him, and fix this right this second.]
What do I have to do?