The sense of betrayal and innate urge to do the opposite of what he's told to do, to rebel for the sake of rebelling because that's what he does. He breaks rules and he doesn't follow orders and he bucks at command and all of that shows on his face as he stares at her.
If she loved him, then why hasn't she told him any of this herself instead of sneaking around until he discovered it himself? If she loved him, then she'd know that he doesn't want to leave the club because it's the first place he'd felt something like comfortable since Yancy, he doesn't love it but it's something. If she loved him, she wouldn't be giving him the ultimatum to choose between the club and her.
But no, she's right. He lets her walk and it really just doesn't end there.]
Walk from your side of it then. Actually fall from grace.
[ She had thought of it, in the nights when they were curled up together and he sleeps, and she rests her head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat. He's unwilling, and she knows it, stubborn and rebellious because that's how he is, that's why she loves him.
Did he really think things would change if she told him this herself? What was he going to do if she confessed this to him out of the blue, help her? She thinks of Stacker, her father, the man who had single-handedly brought her up and loved her like his own; and more than anything she didn't want to let him down. ]
[Things might not have been different but he wouldn't have felt so used if she had told him herself instead of him finding out by mistake. Because that would mean that she trusted him like he trusted her.]
[ She's come to trust him, in the most warped way imaginable -- despite his allegiance she knows him, and she feels guilty because despite all the lies between them she loves him; that in all of this, he's essentially become collateral damage.
Mako is silent for a moment, aware that she owes him an explanation, and far more aware of the fact that she's giving him leverage (of sorts) when she says. ]
Stacker Pentecost saved me, when my parents were killed by gangsters. I owe him everything.
If Raleigh looks pissed, it's really not entirely her fault. She's a good portion of why but that's just how his face looks when he's upset. Like he's literally smelling shit right now.]
[ Mako pauses at that -- she never knew, because they rarely talk about Yancy; it's always been a sensitive subject and she never pried. But it adds a whole new spin to things now, the reason why Raleigh stays. She hesitates, only for a moment. ]
[No one knows besides Chau, really. Since the guy Raleigh put a bullet in was the only other person who was aware of his involvement in that drunk hit and run that night, and he's not going to do any talking. Raleigh still has no idea how Chau found the proof, but he did and what tiny measure of revenge that Raleigh has managed to get hasn't put Yancy's ghost to rest in his head, didn't really make Raleigh feel better at the end of the day if he's being honest, but it tied him to the club and he doesn't know how to walk from that.
None of this brings his brother back, the club or the deal that she's waving in front of his face. So what does any of it matter? What does it really matter, when it's all said and done, where he's at. Here, prison, witness protection, in the ground, none of it actually matters without Yancy.]
I might have. But I wouldn't want to say anything to incriminate myself with a Fed.
[ To her credit, Mako doesn't flinch, even if those words are a slap in the face. It doesn't come as a surprise; he's furious with her, and he has every right to be, because to him, Mako's essentially lied since the moment they first met. He'd taken her into his arms, into his bed and his heart and she regrets that this is how she repays him.
Mako is tangled up with duty and guilt, and the look on Raleigh's face is like nothing she's ever seen before. Not quite like this -- he's shut down from her, and even if she knows that he most likely pulled the trigger, it doesn't change a thing, and it doesn't matter. ]
I'm sorry. [ Cheap words, but heartfelt. ] ...Raleigh, I can't sit back and watch it continue. The drugs, the firearms, the deaths -- [ Her laugh is bitter, short. ] -- God knows I've already contributed a good chunk of that myself.
[Fuck, Mako, it's not like, Raleigh loves those things either, but it's just-- life. It's part of the club. It's not like he's sitting around doing drugs and he tries not to kill when he can help it--
--and the excuses sound pretty weak to him too.
But the simple fact remains that when he was totally lost, when he had nothing to live for at all, the club was there to give him something to get out of bed for. The club brought her to him. And he can't easily turn off his loyalty to that.]
I'm asking you to turn on your brothers. [ Mako lays it all out for him, point-blank, because if she doesn't, he would anyway. Those excuses don't sound very good now, do they? But they were important to him, she knows this. They are important to him, even if he hates some facets of it. This is his home, and Mako wishes, she wishes it wasn't.
She sees what it does to him, when this MC becomes more and more about vengeance, violence and exploitation, when it blurs the lines despite best intentions and they both know it. ]
I'm asking you to leave your home and the life you know, for me. [ It's a gamble, but it's a risk she's willing to take. All that she loses, after all, is her life -- the only way out of this MC is a deal, or a bullet through the temple. ] Raleigh. I'm asking you to stop. [ Then, even more quietly. ] I'm asking you to help me.
[Raleigh turns away from her slightly, can't really look at her right now. Of course she knows exactly what she's asking from him. Of course she's thought this all out. And of course she knows just what buttons to push.
He can't-- think. He needs space, he needs her to not be here, he needs to hit something, he needs a shot, he wants his brother back so much because Yancy, Yance what do I do?
He runs a hand over his jaw, feeling the day old stubble there and focusing on the fact that he needs to shave is so much better than the rest of it. He should kill her. He should take her by the hand and never let go.]
[ Mako doesn't stop him. She's aware of his habits, of what he does when he needs room to breathe, and she gives him to him without comment, her gaze trailing over to the gun on the coffee table. Would he come out after his shower and kill her, or would he tell her yes?
It could go either way, to be perfectly honest. She relaxes, the tension bleeding into exhaustion; she's tired of being mired in both sides at once -- Raleigh's become someone she cannot lose, someone she would fight to hang on to, and she knows, at the same time, if he knew about it he would fight, too, to keep her on his side of the fence, and that would never do. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
you will be my prison bitch
The sense of betrayal and innate urge to do the opposite of what he's told to do, to rebel for the sake of rebelling because that's what he does. He breaks rules and he doesn't follow orders and he bucks at command and all of that shows on his face as he stares at her.
If she loved him, then why hasn't she told him any of this herself instead of sneaking around until he discovered it himself? If she loved him, then she'd know that he doesn't want to leave the club because it's the first place he'd felt something like comfortable since Yancy, he doesn't love it but it's something. If she loved him, she wouldn't be giving him the ultimatum to choose between the club and her.
But no, she's right. He lets her walk and it really just doesn't end there.]
Walk from your side of it then. Actually fall from grace.
i hate you
[ She had thought of it, in the nights when they were curled up together and he sleeps, and she rests her head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat. He's unwilling, and she knows it, stubborn and rebellious because that's how he is, that's why she loves him.
Did he really think things would change if she told him this herself? What was he going to do if she confessed this to him out of the blue, help her? She thinks of Stacker, her father, the man who had single-handedly brought her up and loved her like his own; and more than anything she didn't want to let him down. ]
I can't.
no you don't
[Things might not have been different but he wouldn't have felt so used if she had told him herself instead of him finding out by mistake. Because that would mean that she trusted him like he trusted her.]
I MIGHT
[ She's come to trust him, in the most warped way imaginable -- despite his allegiance she knows him, and she feels guilty because despite all the lies between them she loves him; that in all of this, he's essentially become collateral damage.
Mako is silent for a moment, aware that she owes him an explanation, and far more aware of the fact that she's giving him leverage (of sorts) when she says. ]
Stacker Pentecost saved me, when my parents were killed by gangsters. I owe him everything.
that's it thats the whole tag
If Raleigh looks pissed, it's really not entirely her fault. She's a good portion of why but that's just how his face looks when he's upset. Like he's literally smelling shit right now.]
Chau helped me find Yancy's killer.
lmaoaskdhf ILU
...And you killed him.
dont laugh i hit enter too soon :C :C
None of this brings his brother back, the club or the deal that she's waving in front of his face. So what does any of it matter? What does it really matter, when it's all said and done, where he's at. Here, prison, witness protection, in the ground, none of it actually matters without Yancy.]
I might have. But I wouldn't want to say anything to incriminate myself with a Fed.
jakshdjhf ilu
Mako is tangled up with duty and guilt, and the look on Raleigh's face is like nothing she's ever seen before. Not quite like this -- he's shut down from her, and even if she knows that he most likely pulled the trigger, it doesn't change a thing, and it doesn't matter. ]
I'm sorry. [ Cheap words, but heartfelt. ] ...Raleigh, I can't sit back and watch it continue. The drugs, the firearms, the deaths -- [ Her laugh is bitter, short. ] -- God knows I've already contributed a good chunk of that myself.
no subject
--and the excuses sound pretty weak to him too.
But the simple fact remains that when he was totally lost, when he had nothing to live for at all, the club was there to give him something to get out of bed for. The club brought her to him. And he can't easily turn off his loyalty to that.]
Do you know what you're really asking from me?
no subject
She sees what it does to him, when this MC becomes more and more about vengeance, violence and exploitation, when it blurs the lines despite best intentions and they both know it. ]
I'm asking you to leave your home and the life you know, for me. [ It's a gamble, but it's a risk she's willing to take. All that she loses, after all, is her life -- the only way out of this MC is a deal, or a bullet through the temple. ] Raleigh. I'm asking you to stop. [ Then, even more quietly. ] I'm asking you to help me.
no subject
He can't-- think. He needs space, he needs her to not be here, he needs to hit something, he needs a shot, he wants his brother back so much because Yancy, Yance what do I do?
He runs a hand over his jaw, feeling the day old stubble there and focusing on the fact that he needs to shave is so much better than the rest of it. He should kill her. He should take her by the hand and never let go.]
I'm going to take a shower.
no subject
It could go either way, to be perfectly honest. She relaxes, the tension bleeding into exhaustion; she's tired of being mired in both sides at once -- Raleigh's become someone she cannot lose, someone she would fight to hang on to, and she knows, at the same time, if he knew about it he would fight, too, to keep her on his side of the fence, and that would never do. ]