[The Beckets as a family weren't really big on traditions. They didn't have to decorate the tree the same way every year or watch a certain movie together or have a picnic or go around the table giving thanks for whatever they were thankful for. Kinda hard to establish that kind of stuff when they were moving all the time, following Dad to his work sites and living in countries that didn't celebrate Thanksgiving or Fourth of July.
But Raleigh's gathered a few of his own, over the years. Just one in particular that's really stuck-- the anniversary of his brother's death he gets utterly plastered. Like cheers to you, Yance, for dying and leaving him to stumble through life on his own. Like he has to drink to keep himself from crying, which he always ends up doing anyway. Like any other day he can say no to the shitty beer and use his ration cards on shitty food like a good boy but this day, this one day, he throws the rulebook out the window and becomes a little more like the Raleigh that died that night.
He doesn't see how saving the world means that he should do any different this year. If anything, he think he needs something a little stronger than just beer, because he's been answering questions all day, about how he feels now that it's done, about Mako, about the future of the Jaeger program, about everything and do they not get what today is? Does it not register to the rest of them because it's March 1st and not February 29th?
It must not because no one asks him a single question about his brother and that's such a double edged sword right now he's not sure if he wants to laugh or cry.
(don't get cocky)
He ducks out early, on purpose, leaves Mako there high and dry and doesn't feel guilty about that until it's hours later and he's lost in the city, missing a shoe and nursing a bruised and battered face. That's the other tradition, that he has to pick a fight with someone, has to beat the shit out of some name and faceless person because he's still so mad at everything that the only thing that makes sense is to solve it with his fists.
(yancy yancy yancy)
It doesn't fix anything. He's starting to sober up and he's not at all sure where the hotel is and that silly little realization is actually what breaks him this year, brings tears to the corner of his eyes. And it's just a slippery slope from there, really, to where he can't be bothered to walk on anymore, he's going to sit down right here on the curb and press the heels of his hands against his eyes.]
[ Mako has been looking for him since three hours ago, when he ups and abandons her without so much as a by-your-leave -- not that she's a stickler for such things, but weren't their co-pilots and partners and so much more than that?
He leaves her so quickly that she transitions from worry to anger to worry and then a strange amalgamation of the two; deciding to spend the evening heading out to look for him instead, her papers strewn in the hotel room that they share because sometimes one or both of them wake up with tears on their faces and the other suffers a heartache so painful that it takes awhile for them to get themselves together.
The price of the Drift, she thinks -- what one feels, the other feels also, in perfect clarity.
She moves from one place to another without fail, drawing on all the memories she'd seen, his thoughts bleeding into hers yance let's go save the world mom yance codename: knifehead happy birthday let's go fishing yance raleigh listen to me mako i'm in your brain thinkin' what i'm thinkin' yance you can always find me in the drift hey where's dad we made it i made you a promise
Mako lets it all swirl in her mind, his memories inextricable from hers and she thinks of Yancy and mourns for him even if it's Raleigh's tears that spill. She's a picture of composed calm, emotions simmering beneath an impeccably neutral demeanor. She drives on and on until she finds him sitting by the curb, unrecognisable to anyone but her.
In a sea of millions, Mako would still know exactly where he is.
She stops beside him, emerges and shuts the door before she steps in front of him in silence. She scents the burn of alcohol, of misery, his coat heavy in her hands before she moves to put it over his shoulders. He must be freezing out here -- loose-knit sweaters can only do so much. ]
Raleigh feels a stab of guilt when he looks up, when a car stops in front of him and there's Mako and oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck, he's such an asshole, he just left her there, and no, he doesn't have to tell her where he's going and what he's doing all the time but it's Mako and she's his co-pilot (one of them, the only one he has left) and that's just not--
Fuck.
He makes a hurried attempt to hide the tears, swiping at his eyes before she steps too close. He's sorry, Mako, he's so sorry, he should've said something but really, shouldn't she have known, out of anyone else in the world, she should know better than all of them what today is so if she's mad at him then--
She's not. She's putting his jacket around his shoulders, and it strikes him that she's probably been looking for him for hours and she brought his coat deliberately, since he didn't bring it to the interviews. And look at that, swiping at his eyes did nothing because it's starting all over again.]
[ Mako's anger dissipates in the face of such complete grief -- it might have been years, but the loss of someone much beloved never really goes away. She knows what day it is, and what it holds for him, and she is quiet for a long, long moment before she sits by him.
He's a complete mess, bruised and bleeding in several places and it's obvious that he's been in a brawl or two. ]
I know.
[ Mako is not a comforting person, and grief, no matter how intimately acquainted she is with it, is always difficult and different, an old stranger with leaves open wounds wherever it does. She'd spent hours and hours looking for him, had been frustrated, but Raleigh's crying and she can't bear to bring herself to rebuke him. ]
[Raleigh has to fight the urge to lean over, lean into her, to push his face into her shoulder and cry there because well. He's pretty sure he hasn't earned the right to do that, isn't sure he deserves that. She doesn't have to say how long and how frustrating her search was, it's pretty obvious because she's still wearing the same clothes and it's like three in the morning and he's drunk and bruised and crying on a street corner.
He hunkers down in his jacket instead, he must be cold because he feels like he's shivering now that he's got something semi warm on.]
[ It's never been a question of earning, or deserving. Mako's heart aches painfully for him when he hunches over himself, and she's never seen him quite like this before. Frowning faintly, she reaches out, hesitating only for a moment before she awkwardly puts her arm around his broad shoulders, offering comfort and warmth -- however little she can give.
He's her partner, the other half of her, and Mako can never bear to see him like this. ]
You don't have to be. [ She says, too; it's three am and he's a complete mess, but it's okay; she's here with him now. ] Let's go back to the hotel, Raleigh.
[No, she hasn't seen this before and she won't see it again for another year. And the year after that, and the year after that and so on and so forth because there's just something about this day that fucks with him, rattles his brain around.
Yancy never got to experience March 1st that year and apparently that means Raleigh shouldn't ever either.]
I'm sorry anyway. You shouldn't have to come chase me down in the middle of the night like this.
[He'll get it up to head for the car in a minute. Soon. In three.. two... one.]
[ Mako frowns; they'll have to talk about Raleigh's tendency to apologize profusely for pretty much every little thing. She's coming up behind him when he rises, and gestures him to the passenger's seat. He's not going to do any driving tonight, not if she can help it. ]
He wants another beer. Raleigh stumbles when she guides him into the passenger seat, he's in no mood or state to fight her on it. He doesn't want to drive drunk (because Yancy always told him that he'd kick his ass all the way to Antarctica and back before he murdered him if he did) and he's shaking his head a little, brushing his knuckles against his eyes again.
He waits like a block before he says softly.]
I really hate him sometimes. And then I get pissed at myself because how do I hate my best friend.
Mako is patient when he stumbles into the passenger seat and she starts up the engine, listening quietly when he speaks up. She would be lying if she said that she completely understood his pain, but still -- she knows a thing or two of death. ]
...Because you thought that he would be there for you always.
Yeah. [That's part of it. A big part of it, actually because he had always, always been Yancy's little brother his whole life until the one horrible moment that he wasn't anymore and Raleigh was left to stumble around, trying to figure it out and he still doesn't think he has the entire answer.]
But also because he was going to tell me to get out and save myself.
Mako doesn't know what to say to that, so she keeps quiet -- she supposes Raleigh doesn't want to hear any sort of denial or platitude right now, and Mako's too honest to say something she doesn't mean.
[Raleigh's completely unsurprised that she both saw it in the Drift and then never brought it up because that's just how Mako is. She doesn't really prod the sensitive parts because she's curious. She keeps her distance when it's needed.
It's about respect, Mister Becket.
He still won't look at her, staring straight ahead into the oncoming traffic, the way the lights reflect off glass windows and the pavement, brooding on how much he just hates this day.]
I hate the Gage twins too. Because they let it get past them. [And that makes him feel shitty as well, because undoubtedly, the Gage twins would've died sooner than they did if they had met Knifehead that night instead of the Beckets.]
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But Raleigh's gathered a few of his own, over the years. Just one in particular that's really stuck-- the anniversary of his brother's death he gets utterly plastered. Like cheers to you, Yance, for dying and leaving him to stumble through life on his own. Like he has to drink to keep himself from crying, which he always ends up doing anyway. Like any other day he can say no to the shitty beer and use his ration cards on shitty food like a good boy but this day, this one day, he throws the rulebook out the window and becomes a little more like the Raleigh that died that night.
He doesn't see how saving the world means that he should do any different this year. If anything, he think he needs something a little stronger than just beer, because he's been answering questions all day, about how he feels now that it's done, about Mako, about the future of the Jaeger program, about everything and do they not get what today is? Does it not register to the rest of them because it's March 1st and not February 29th?
It must not because no one asks him a single question about his brother and that's such a double edged sword right now he's not sure if he wants to laugh or cry.
(don't get cocky)
He ducks out early, on purpose, leaves Mako there high and dry and doesn't feel guilty about that until it's hours later and he's lost in the city, missing a shoe and nursing a bruised and battered face. That's the other tradition, that he has to pick a fight with someone, has to beat the shit out of some name and faceless person because he's still so mad at everything that the only thing that makes sense is to solve it with his fists.
(yancy yancy yancy)
It doesn't fix anything. He's starting to sober up and he's not at all sure where the hotel is and that silly little realization is actually what breaks him this year, brings tears to the corner of his eyes. And it's just a slippery slope from there, really, to where he can't be bothered to walk on anymore, he's going to sit down right here on the curb and press the heels of his hands against his eyes.]
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He leaves her so quickly that she transitions from worry to anger to worry and then a strange amalgamation of the two; deciding to spend the evening heading out to look for him instead, her papers strewn in the hotel room that they share because sometimes one or both of them wake up with tears on their faces and the other suffers a heartache so painful that it takes awhile for them to get themselves together.
The price of the Drift, she thinks -- what one feels, the other feels also, in perfect clarity.
She moves from one place to another without fail, drawing on all the memories she'd seen, his thoughts bleeding into hers yance let's go save the world mom yance codename: knifehead happy birthday let's go fishing yance raleigh listen to me mako i'm in your brain thinkin' what i'm thinkin' yance you can always find me in the drift hey where's dad we made it i made you a promise
Mako lets it all swirl in her mind, his memories inextricable from hers and she thinks of Yancy and mourns for him even if it's Raleigh's tears that spill. She's a picture of composed calm, emotions simmering beneath an impeccably neutral demeanor. She drives on and on until she finds him sitting by the curb, unrecognisable to anyone but her.
In a sea of millions, Mako would still know exactly where he is.
She stops beside him, emerges and shuts the door before she steps in front of him in silence. She scents the burn of alcohol, of misery, his coat heavy in her hands before she moves to put it over his shoulders. He must be freezing out here -- loose-knit sweaters can only do so much. ]
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Raleigh feels a stab of guilt when he looks up, when a car stops in front of him and there's Mako and oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck, he's such an asshole, he just left her there, and no, he doesn't have to tell her where he's going and what he's doing all the time but it's Mako and she's his co-pilot (one of them, the only one he has left) and that's just not--
Fuck.
He makes a hurried attempt to hide the tears, swiping at his eyes before she steps too close. He's sorry, Mako, he's so sorry, he should've said something but really, shouldn't she have known, out of anyone else in the world, she should know better than all of them what today is so if she's mad at him then--
She's not. She's putting his jacket around his shoulders, and it strikes him that she's probably been looking for him for hours and she brought his coat deliberately, since he didn't bring it to the interviews. And look at that, swiping at his eyes did nothing because it's starting all over again.]
... you didn't have to.
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He's a complete mess, bruised and bleeding in several places and it's obvious that he's been in a brawl or two. ]
I know.
[ Mako is not a comforting person, and grief, no matter how intimately acquainted she is with it, is always difficult and different, an old stranger with leaves open wounds wherever it does. She'd spent hours and hours looking for him, had been frustrated, but Raleigh's crying and she can't bear to bring herself to rebuke him. ]
I wanted to.
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He hunkers down in his jacket instead, he must be cold because he feels like he's shivering now that he's got something semi warm on.]
I'm sorry.
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He's her partner, the other half of her, and Mako can never bear to see him like this. ]
You don't have to be. [ She says, too; it's three am and he's a complete mess, but it's okay; she's here with him now. ] Let's go back to the hotel, Raleigh.
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Yancy never got to experience March 1st that year and apparently that means Raleigh shouldn't ever either.]
I'm sorry anyway. You shouldn't have to come chase me down in the middle of the night like this.
[He'll get it up to head for the car in a minute. Soon. In three.. two... one.]
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[ Mako frowns; they'll have to talk about Raleigh's tendency to apologize profusely for pretty much every little thing. She's coming up behind him when he rises, and gestures him to the passenger's seat. He's not going to do any driving tonight, not if she can help it. ]
wow i hurt myself here
Yes.
He wants another beer. Raleigh stumbles when she guides him into the passenger seat, he's in no mood or state to fight her on it. He doesn't want to drive drunk (because Yancy always told him that he'd kick his ass all the way to Antarctica and back before he murdered him if he did) and he's shaking his head a little, brushing his knuckles against his eyes again.
He waits like a block before he says softly.]
I really hate him sometimes. And then I get pissed at myself because how do I hate my best friend.
omg bb
Mako is patient when he stumbles into the passenger seat and she starts up the engine, listening quietly when he speaks up. She would be lying if she said that she completely understood his pain, but still -- she knows a thing or two of death. ]
...Because you thought that he would be there for you always.
lays down in becket feels always
But also because he was going to tell me to get out and save myself.
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Mako doesn't know what to say to that, so she keeps quiet -- she supposes Raleigh doesn't want to hear any sort of denial or platitude right now, and Mako's too honest to say something she doesn't mean.
So she waits for more. ]
...I saw that.
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It's about respect, Mister Becket.
He still won't look at her, staring straight ahead into the oncoming traffic, the way the lights reflect off glass windows and the pavement, brooding on how much he just hates this day.]
I hate the Gage twins too. Because they let it get past them. [And that makes him feel shitty as well, because undoubtedly, the Gage twins would've died sooner than they did if they had met Knifehead that night instead of the Beckets.]