[The noise he makes could almost be called a startled gaps except that he wouldn't call it that, so it's not. It's more of a sharp inhale and he nearly gives himself whiplash in how fast he looks away from the crib to look at her instead. She thought what? Oh fuck. Fuck and fuck, and he didn't even realize that until right now and maybe he should have because he was so mad at her for so long that he was pretty sure he hated her.
He didn't and he knows that now, knows that he's not good at distinguishing between hate and grief and that Yancy's always going to be a ghost in his life, hanging around the back of his head and he needs to get his shit together and actually do something about that.]
I thought I hated you. [He says, and it's so blunt and he doesn't even try to hide that because what's that going to solve. Nothing. Did he love their baby more than her? He doesn't-- know and it feels like asking if he loves Yancy more than her because can't he just love them both in different ways.]
And I didn't want to sit there and watch that eat us alive.
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He didn't and he knows that now, knows that he's not good at distinguishing between hate and grief and that Yancy's always going to be a ghost in his life, hanging around the back of his head and he needs to get his shit together and actually do something about that.]
I thought I hated you. [He says, and it's so blunt and he doesn't even try to hide that because what's that going to solve. Nothing. Did he love their baby more than her? He doesn't-- know and it feels like asking if he loves Yancy more than her because can't he just love them both in different ways.]
And I didn't want to sit there and watch that eat us alive.